Poetry

Hello to the poetry thread...here you can post what you wish as long as it is a poem and feedback here we go here is a poem written by china

china wrote:hey, I was just wondering if any of you guys could critique a poem i wrote for English class?

Blood

Blood is a rose
blossoming from an open wound

Blood is a stain
of pain and war

Blood is the gift
of a mother to her child

Blood is ink
writing the story of lives

i know it's pretty bad,so if you could please give me some suggestions???

So do you guys like it?

I really like it! Good job china! *claps*

Heres one of mine.....It goes like this.....



~The Perfect Guy~

"He loved you,
I hope you know,
his feelings,
he let them show.
I hope you never,
catch another stare,
from him ever again,
For that would mean he still might care.
You broke his heart,
split it in two,
now he's sad,
all because of you.
And every time
he asks why?
what can I do?
the truth..or tell a lie?
You two were so,
perfect together,
but this is what happens when forever really means for-never.
Your in his dreams,
and in his thoughts
even if him,
you've already forgot.
You missed your chance,
you won't get another try,
and I hope you soon realize,
that he was the perfect guy."

holy snap.that is M-AZING!!!...would it be okay with you if my friend(randomocity_unknown) and i tryed to make that into a song?

china wrote:holy snap.that is M-AZING!!!...would it be okay with you if my friend(randomocity_unknown) and i tryed to make that into a song?

Yea! That would make an excellent song! I wish I could write poems like that. I wrote one about depression....and well, I think that it sucks.

uh...Randomocity_Unknown...she LIES!!!!it is one of the BESTEST poems iv ever read.(she is a LITTLE too modest.)exampleof a suky poem;



Roaming through the forest
Onward he stomps,his neck stretching high
Above the trees,searching for his mate. He
Rears his head in triumph,he's found her.

While he was wandering
He decided,Why, it
Is time to make a
Song.But he had no instruments
To play,so he pursed his lips, from which he
Emitted a joyous tune.

Computer cheese eater
Laptop or not,this mouse is
Incapable of speech or
Conscious thought,but you
Know that with it, all can be found or deleted.


(that is an onomotopia acrostic,and it is NOT COOL)...but i hav t admit i like the CLICK one.hehehe

Those are good china. I haven't even started mine.

Randomocity_Unknown wrote:

china wrote:holy snap.that is M-AZING!!!...would it be okay with you if my friend(randomocity_unknown) and i tryed to make that into a song?

Yea! That would make an excellent song! I wish I could write poems like that. I wrote one about depression....and well, I think that it sucks.

man sure lol

China I love it!

here's my new one lol


~love is blind~


Love is blind,
to even those with perfect sight,
what our heart feels,
isn't always what are head believes right.

Cry your hardest,
When things don't work out,
When your feelings become to much,
just go ahead yell, scream, SHOUT!

No one well think differently of you.
They will understand,
and when you to decide to wake up,
on your feet you will land.

Don't fall into your own darkness,
Don't fall into a pit of sorrow,
because no matter how bad today is,
theres always tomorrow.

Love is blind,
to those even with perfect sight,
but your heart is not,
sometimes what your head thinks isn't always right.

omg omg omg omg!!!!!!that is seriously crazy!!! i am begging that you let Randomocity and i (attempt) to make that into a song!


(plz)

china wrote:omg omg omg omg!!!!!!that is seriously crazy!!! i am begging that you let Randomocity and i (attempt) to make that into a song!


(plz)

you can lol I just write about what I feel..lol

omg omg omg i made another one!!!

A Rose's Wish

I am a rose,
born from the earth.


My petals are soft like my mother's,
my thorns sharp like my father's.


My friend is the bee,
my enemy the beetle.


I feel the sun on my leaves,
and the water in my roots.


My only wish is for someone to pick me,
to be used as a symbol of their love.

blah.we are writing poems in english right now XP.(i hate mrs.loria!!!)

aww I loved it..i thought it to be...very expressive.

OMG! I love all of your poems! Good job everyone

Moonlessnight wrote:OMG! I love all of your poems! Good job everyone

awww! Thank you!

yes thank you indeed...*looks at Randomocity*....WHY R U NOT POSTING UR POEMS THEY R AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!lol.o,i made this somwat amazing poem in english,but it is one of those 'concrete poem' things,and so i cant type it....i could scan it,but i am too lazy,and i havnt gotten it bak.lol.


(teehee,i started a new page)

hey guys I'm finally adding a new one.

~I'll follow you~

I'd follow you off a cliff,
I'd follow you into the sea,
I'd follow you anywhere,
if only you loved me.


and if you have to leave,
and I cannot come along,
I will stay here and wait,
while singing this mournful song.

and if I decide I cannot wait,
I'll follow you to the place where angles go,
heaven will be our new home,
you'll have beautiful wings,and a new golden halo.


Because, I'd follow you off a cliff,
I'd follow you into the sea,
I'd follow you anywhere,
because you love me.




Do you guys like it?

I am not posting my poems cause they are not good at all! Your concrete poem was REALLY cool. I thought it was awesome.

TV17 i absolutly love that poem TV17!!!!

yourleftshoe wrote:TV17 i absolutly love that poem TV17!!!!

oh thank you!

my friend Michael wrote this.... about me...

Together

Looking into her eye's
I see she needs me
As much as i need her
But what is keeping us apart
Apart from having everything we need
That sunset on that hill
That sunrise on that beach
That feeling thet we'll always be together
Together
What we fear is just that
What would happen
If it wasn't the way we imagined
Then we'd have nothing
But if you once had everything
Then there is no such thing as nothing
So i think we should take that giant leap
And see where we go
Who knows
We may land in each others hearts <3

Dedicated to someone special

it suprized me, i didnt know that he felt so strongly

That poem is beautiful! Your friend is a very good poet.

both those poems were very good,lefty your friend as somereal talent

i think he might ask me out tomorrow... im going over to his house to watch a movie... im scared though... i have this thing about going out with friends, because i dont want to lose the friendship. i do want to be with him though... i dont know...

My friend was killed Sat. In a car accident.
So I'm a little stressed and dazed, She was a senior, and Grad, was a week away Sat. and so was her 18th birthday.

heres a poem I wrote for her.

~One Less, One More~
One less, face you have to remember
One less smile you have to see,
one less person to make a difference
One less Jenny.

One more person that had to die,
One more person to look down,
One more person to cry,
One more person to live without.

One less person to laugh,
One more person to bury,
One less person to love,
One more legacy to carry.